2/12/25

In this moment I’m at Rio Novo station.

I just spontaneously decided to go visit my friend Emma and her family.

I’ve been missing the countryside, and I’ve been missing them too.

I want to sit and paint with the two kids, cook together with my friends, and then head back to Rio on Friday.

This morning I had a little panic moment: my bank card suddenly got blocked.

The whole thing actually started yesterday. I was trying to buy contact lenses online, the payment had already gone through, and after a while I received an email saying that my order had been cancelled. So I messaged my bank, told them this charge needed to be cancelled, and sent them a screenshot showing that the order had been cancelled.

This morning everything felt just like usual. I went to my yoga class, then to the same café, ordered my coffee, and like on so many other mornings, I got ready to pay with my card.

But when I tried to pay, the card didn’t go through, and that was the moment I realised: my card had been blocked.

I immediately messaged the bank again, asking if they could help me unblock it, but they replied that I neede a new card.

In that moment, I was honestly panicked, also I had my terapia in 10 mins, because none of my other cards are working right now (I feel like a grandma), and this UK card is the only one I can rely on. I also called my dad, and he confidently gave me three of his cards to try, but none of them worked either. I still don’t really know why.

Luckily, there are friends.

My dear friend Paris gave me her card, and I linked it to my Apple Pay so that I could get through this little stretch of time.

Later on, after a series of phone calls with my family and friends, the situation finally got resolved.

Grateful for the people I love, and for the people who show up to help me.

I’ve already been in Rio for a bit more than two weeks now.

I feel really lucky to have found the apartment I’m living in.

It’s in Botafogo, with a kitchen that has six burners, and a living room with a big window. Outside the window there’s a tree, and sometimes in the mornings little monkeys come to visit.

I have two flatmates, a Brazilian guy and an Italian girl. They and their partners are all very pure-hearted, kind and cute.

When I was looking for a place, I was at a real low point: Beans had just broken up with me, I had just come out of Vipassana, and the pain and emptiness inside me still felt huge. I really didn’t want to live alone. When I saw this apartment, my first thought was simply: this is perfect.

I started to slowly find a sense of everyday stability in the small ritual of waking up and making breakfast for myself.

I bought a jar of coconut oil and mixed it with my seven or eight essential oils, and now I use it as a nice-smelling body lotion and tanning oil.

I know where my favourite specialty café is in the neighbourhood; they have one kind of fermented beans that taste a bit funky, but in a very interesting way.

I know where the street market is (I really don’t like buying fruits and vegetables in supermarkets, it makes everything feel a bit “lifeless” to me).

There’s also an independent cinema close to home, and I love spending time there by myself.

I found a yoga studio and a climbing gym near the house.

I also found a Portuguese teacher I really like, he’s from São Paulo. Compared to the Rio accent, I currently prefer the São Paulo accent (even though I’ve only had one class so far).

I often go to museums, art galleries, and the beach.

I’ve made a few new good friends who really inspire me, the kind of new friends I genuinely admire.

On my very first weekend in Rio, I reached out to Emma, a friend I added on social media a few years ago but had never met in person. Recently, her whole family moved to Brazil, and she’s had two kids. Last weekend I went to visit them, played with their children, helped them cook, climbed trees together to pick fruit, and went to the market. The whole experience felt very warm.

When I left, they gave me a big bag of jabuticaba from their yard. I brought it back to Rio and shared it with my flatmates. With the leftover skins, I boiled them in water and turned it into pigment to paint watercolours.

I’ve also returned to my NGO work, and last week I co-hosted a hybrid event.

There are a few forró bars near my place. I always end up dancing until I’m soaked in sweat, then I call an Uber to go home (even if it’s just two blocks, I really don’t want to take the risk of walking alone late at night).

I’ve already gone hiking twice (Tijuca and Pedra da Gávea), and I definitely want more hikes.

Recently I haven’t had much desire to eat meat; almost all my protein comes from eggs and beans. I have to brag a little: the beans I cook are really delicious.

What else?

I think that’s about all the updates for now.

The other day, my flatmate asked me:

“Shikin, what are your plans after this?”

I said,

“I don't have plans for Xmas and NYE yet, but I think I’ll stay in Rio at least until NYE. After that… I don’t really know, pbly travel around Brasil.”

As I was saying it, I opened a tab and started looking at flights, did a bit of counting with the dates, and then, almost casually, I booked a ticket back to China.

After I booked it, I told my flatmates, “I bought my ticket.”

Both of them were totally shocked.

I sounded very calm, but when the confirmation landed in my inbox, I realised my hands were actually shaking.

It’s been six years since I last spent Chinese New Year with my family.

There’s a Chinese saying, “近乡情更怯”, the closer you get to home, the more your heart trembles.

I think that’s exactly how it feels.

But I feel that it’s time to go home.

It feels like the right thing to do.

I’m ready to reconnect with my family,

to create new memories together.

And then, to set off on the road again.

Who knows where next.